Apart from all the shopping for the baby, I think one of the things I was very excited about, was going to childbirth class. Or… wait, it was more like a mixed-feeling-thing. Yes, I was looking forward to learning how to breath, how to push and how to become a good birthing team with my husband. And I knew that it would be both funny and embarrassing for both of us. Just because we are that kind of people who make fun out of most things but also find many things quite annoying. Another part of me (and probably of my husband’s too) was not very much looking forward to going to the class. We suspected that we were going to find some… how to call them… impassioned… exaggerated, (yes, annoying) very German couples with a very different lifestyle from ours since, to that time, we lived in Berlin-Kreuzberg, promised land of the hippie and alternative, ultra-organic way of life. Please don’t get me wrong, by now you have certainly learned how excited I was about my own baby but definitely in another way. But since the beginning of the pregnancy, getting to know new parents in Kreuzberg and beyond was like entering a zoo – remember the hospital tour story?
What is it good for?
To my time living in Colombia, I really don’t remember my parents or any of my relatives talking about the childbirth class. Fun fact: its name in Spanish is eternal and impossible to pronounce and does not tell me anything about having babies at all (curso psicoprofiláctico). I don’t think my parents visited one and I think, that they did not need it since 1) my grandma was an empirical midwife, 2) my parents are physicians and 3) after I was born through a C-section, the rule back then was that the following children had to be delivered through C-section, as well. I also don’t believe that neither my aunts nor their daughters went to prenatal class. Maybe because in our culture we pass the “knowledge” and experiences from generation to generation. This is something I have to ask again. But I can surely say, that those classes exist and there are enough couples who attend them.
Anyway, I’ve always have the impression that the prenatal class became popular as awareness was raised that women should know what would happen with their bodies during labor, which is also encouraged by health insurance companies. I think this is really great and important. On the other hand I also believe that it became a trend thanks to Hollywood movies in the in the late 80’s and 90’s which presented the prenatal class in a very romantic way. Remember Nine Months with Hugh Grant and Julianne Moore?
So, I personally went for both: I wanted to know very well what was going to happen to me and the baby, and how I (and my husband) could help us out through labor with best results and reduce pain at least a little bit (you wish!). And I definitely wanted to bond further with my husband. Then, there was the when and where question.
During one of the hospital tours we did, the room for the prenatal class was shown to us and it was even taking place at that very moment. But we didn’t want to go there every single week. Besides, that was the hospital we liked the least. And it also would be always in the evenings and it would be too tiring for us to get there after work. Therefore, we decided to take the class with the midwife I’d found. She offered prenatal class once a month, during an entire weekend, and her practice was very close to our apartment. So we signed in for the one taking place in the first weekend of April.
The Good
It started at nine o’ clock on Saturday morning and finished at six in the evening. We only had one-hour break. The same was on Sunday. There were seven or eight couples. I think five or six of them were binational which I liked and gave me some calm (with reference to the first part of this post). Most of the babies would be born between June and August. It was divided in several topics or parts. The first one was all about basic knowledge about what happens during labor and anatomy. The second part about coping with contractions, breathing, and soothing the pain with the help of the partners. That was kind of weird and I felt a little like a cow doing certain moves and my husband and I were trying hard not to burst in laughter and, above all, to believe in which was being taught to us. We learned how to differentiate contractions and recognize when to go to the hospital, what to do when the water breaks, about myths and truths about labor. We learned about pain and painkillers, which the midwife was not fond of at all so that she almost only mentioned them and try to convince us to never ask for an epidural. We learned how to “trust our bodies”. We learned the theory of “pushing”, as well as the basics of breastfeeding, and why it should be the only way to feed a baby (a very radical point of view, to be honest). We learned about the basic equipment for the first months with a baby and why carrying the baby in a baby carrier, or even better, in a sling, is so good. We learned about the nappy-free trend to teach babies from a very (really very) early age to give parents a sign that they need to pee and poo while running naked at the bottom.
The thing that I learned the most about and I really came to experience during my labor week was the so called “flight reaction” which is basically a body alarm function that occurs during labor when the environment is not the best to receiving a baby and the body (and the baby) kind of feel it, so that the dilatation of the cervix can even go back if circumstances are uncomfortable. It was also very comforting to know that you are not obliged to give birth on the hospital bed and to know some “tricks” in order to decrease physical damage like tearing.
Each afternoon the partners were “released”, so that we women could literally watch the nasty reality of labor, from the theory to the practice, which I found important but I rather would have seen in a video with normal people instead of a hippie commune in Australia with nappy free toddlers running around.
All in all, it was a very intense experience, mostly because we were receiving so much information in such a very short amount of time. There was no way that we were going to remember everything, even when taking notes, which I couldn’t much since I was trying hard to pay attention to everything the midwife was saying. On the contrary, there was a mommy-to-be who noted every single coma and period during the whole weekend whereas I only took note of the topics that I cared the most: contractions, pain relief, pushing, breathing, preparing a birth plan (that was never used). I would have wished that she shared those notes with the rest.
The Bad and the Ugly
I wish that we would have had more time for exchanging experiences and fears with the other couples and above all, that each couple was reassured in their beliefs and according to their lifestyle. Instead, for a great part, it felt like indoctrination. It was good to learn about the functioning and the risks of the epidural but it felt wrong to us that it was practically demonized and that we almost should embrace the labor pain (really, wtf). I mean, I consider myself a very strong person, if not, I wouldn’t have left the comforts of my home for another continent at age 18. And I can handle pain relatively well but I definitely don’t share the believe that suffering and tolerating labor pain makes you a better woman and/or mother just because that is the way that nature works. Nature can be very mean, so no, I don’t agree. After the prenatal course, my husband and I asked for an appointment with the midwife in order to clear some doubts we had during the course. One of them related to the epidural. My husband was rather disappointed that she practically skipped his questions on the topic.
Also, concerning breastfeeding, it was the only accepted way to feed a baby. When I mentioned that I was thinking of mixing it with the bottle since 1) you don’t know if it would really work out because sometimes it really doesn’t no matter how much you wished for it and 2) I wanted to maintain a little freedom for myself and let my husband feed the baby sometimes, I felt rather pointed at.
When the question about visitors came up, the only truth would have been to be as lonely as possible and I got weird looks when I stated that for me the perfect scenario would be to be surrounded by and have the attention of my family and that I was so glad that at least my parents and little brother were coming to help us out because that’s the way it is in Colombia. New parents aren’t just left alone with the new baby.
And also the rule should have been not to use disposable diapers because of the chemicals, the environment and the expenses, but wait, aren’t reusable diapers eco-friendly? As far as I know you have to do a lot of washing with detergent in order to get the poo properly out. And with that many washing a lot of water is wasted. And they also cost time and are not always as cheap as disposables. I’m all for the environment and care a lot about pollution and global warming. However, I think, this topic has a very personal, subjective note. At the end, the well being and mental health of the new parents in such a critical time as the first weeks with a baby should prevail. From our perspective, that was the more comfortable solution.
Concerning the baby carrier, only the slings were accepted and if you didn’t want to use one, like in my case because 1) I felt too clumsy to use one and was afraid to drop the baby and 2) it is just not my style and I wanted something good looking, the only brands that were tolerated were Manduca, Ergobaby or Bondolino because the others, like the latest and very ergonomic BabyBjörn model were just wrong. The best case scenario expected from us was to visit a baby carrier shop in Neukölln which we nonetheless visited and at the end didn’t meet our expectations. As I wrote in my last post, we finally decided to get an ergobaby.
And, of course, natural, vaginal birth is the only accepted way of birth. Having a Cesarean is just wrong and if you even think about it, you don’t deserve to be part of this society. I know it sounds harsh but this is how it felt. But hey, sometimes women have great fears and every woman should have the free choice to opt for one, isn’t it? Besides, not every case is as horrible as we were told, provided that doctors have enough experience with them, not every child suffers from asthma after it or feels great amounts of stress, and there are for sure mothers that recover faster than others because each body is different.
After attending that course with such radical beliefs and after some years of motherhood, I now understand where mom-shaming results from. I am not going to say that I myself, haven’t been as open minded not to judge another mom, because at any point, all of us does it, maybe even unconsciously. But it should be better to let parents be.
Lesson Learned
After that experience, it was more than clear that we didn’t fit in there and that I would have needed another midwife even though this one always kept inviting me to things. I only wanted to be prepared for labor and to be listened to in this very sensible chapter of my life, that the important information adapted to our way of life.
On the positive side, I learned some three very nice moms-to-be with whom I had contact for some time after each of us gradually moved far away from each other. That was the best souvenir of that class.
Despite my personal experience, I would always recommend attending a prenatal class. You can always learn the basics which can help you understand many important things and apply them during labour (or not). And it can be a good source for new contacts in order to build the village to raise your child. Just make sure to look around for your options and decide to go with the provider that better suits you and your way of life, where you have the feeling that you can share your point of view without being pointed out, someone open minded.
When I was pregnant with my second son, God was good to me and I found exactly the midwife I was wishing for. When she was by my side, I felt secure and when I doubted about attending a prenatal class again, she told me only to listen to my body and my instinct and everything was going to be just fine. I had already made the experience of giving birth and that was the best class. For now I knew what I liked, what I could apply or not. She told me to take an epidural this time since no one, but me, should care about the decision and it would all work out well. And she was right.
Prenatal Class in Times of Covid-19
With Covid-19 still very much influencing our social life, in many (if not in general) cases, it is not yet possible to attend the course in person. Fortunately, midwives quickly and providers the like, have quickly reacted to the needs of new parents by offering online courses. While it is not the best case szenario as there is personal contact to other couples, it is a wonderful thing that you still can attend the class. For more information, you can either ask your midwife, your doula (check out this post) or search for a variety of courses on kidsgo, as well as on the websites of Berlin hospitals and the Berlin Midwife Association.
I wish you lots of fun and good learning and good bonding!