Finding good physicians in Germany has been one of the most difficult and tiring tasks since I live here. And I think, in my personal case, it feels worse due to the fact that both mom and dad are physicians in Colombia. I grew up among stethoscopes, practices and all sorts of medicaments and was very lucky to be always treated by the best doctors in the city. That is why, in this matter, I am very demanding.
Therefore, I’m not afraid of going to the doctor, to the hospital and taking medication. And I have already experienced a few surgical interventions at home with very satisfactory results.
So, when I go to the doctor here, I mostly get the impression that patients are treated in a very “cold” way, as if they were an item in a production line and their psyche, which can affect their well-being or the illness more than you think, is mostly neglected.
For that reason, as soon as I moved to Berlin, one of the first things I did was to ask among my Colombian friends and contacts to recommend me a good gynecologist. One of them, who had already had all kinds of experiences with all kinds of doctors, finally recommended me to go to her gynecologist. But it took me almost two years (!!!) to put a foot in her practice because she was always booked out. By the time I got pregnant, we had met for only four months but thank goodness she had showed me that I could really trust her. For me, that is priceless and I didn’t care that I had to “travel” through the whole city to go to her practice as long as she and her staff were being kind to me.
Unfortunately, my joy became transformed into stress when she told me that she wouldn’t be the main person in charge of my prenatal care or the delivery (I would see her again only six weeks after delivery) and that I would need to find a midwife - and that as soon as possible. I think that I initially tried to oust that little inconvenience.
Imagine! Two years looking for a doctor of my trust and then I had to look, again, for a whole new person, who wouldn’t have any clue about me and my mentality, in the shortest time possible, for the rest of the pregnancy. I just wanted to go back to Colombia, to be treated by my eternal gynecologist who I visit every time I’m there. In Colombia, and maybe in the entire American continent (you have to tell me), prenatal care is mainly carried out by gynecologists. At least in my country, midwives as such extinguished decades ago and they actually were not studied but empiric ones! The only one I had heard of was my own grandma, who was a mixture of midwife and nurse very, very long before I joined this world.
Apart from ousting the problem, I felt safe until the beginning of the second trimester since my gynecologist shared her practice with a midwife who carried out some of the prenatal control appointments. But then she told me to seriously take action and look for a midwife in my area before it was too late. To that time, I ignored that you not only need a midwife but a midwife in your area, who must be available around your due date since she would be visiting you every day during the first weeks in baby’s life and every now and then afterwards. Then, I panicked. I didn’t want to go to someone but, as with the doctors, to the best one in my area. She handed me a brochure with lists of midwives according to the different districts in Berlin.
After that worrying control appointment, I finally started my search. I was already almost four months pregnant. I did some online research, not just looking at lists and online database but also in the webpages of the hospitals close to my place. To that time, I had started doing prenatal yoga. After a couple of classes, when chatting with the teacher I learned that she was also a midwife! And she worked in the area! And she was available around my due date! However, I don’t know if that was because of the fact that I did yoga only for learning how to breath and have some physical activity without seriously believing in it, but I didn’t feel any kind of chemistry between that lady and me. In fact, she scared me a little bit and she reminded me every time of Cinderella’s evil stepmother!
Then I came across the term “Beleghebamme” or attending midwife, a midwife who not only would do your daily controls but, most importantly, would be the one attending the delivery! For that service they become an extra payment compared to the normal midwives. I definitely wanted one of them! I called straight ahead those that made a good impression but they were all booked out for june! It was just the beginning of January!
Fortunately, a couple of days later, I had the next control appointment with the midwife at my obgyn's practice. I asked her right away to recommend me one in Kreuzberg but she was not very cooperative. I was so persistent that she finally gave me a name. I was so annoyed, because really, what’s the problem about recommending colleagues in the German medical world?! Hell that is frustrating! As soon as I was home, I tried to contact her, she wasn’t in town but working abroad until march. But she was available and so agreed to meet as soon as she was back. I was relieved because during my research, I read that she was very popular in the area. And I equated popular with good quality, the only thing I cared of.
When we finally met, she was very kind, the conversation was of course very personal but I didn’t feel much chemistry. Again, I think it was mostly due to the fact that I preferred to be treated by a physician. And we were two completely different types, she was more the alternative, hippie-kind-of-type and me, well, the complete opposite. But since she was so well-known and very experienced, and I was already tired of hearing that everyone was booked out, I decided to stick to her. And that was finally a very big step to (the baby’s) humanity!
Lesson learned
Last but not least, there are two big lessons learned out of this prenatal stress.
First, as soon as you notice you didn’t have safe sex or are just late for your period and you live in Germany, start looking for a midwife in your area of living. Since about 2014 there is kind of a baby boom in Berlin that does not correlate to the very bad payment and insurance conditions midwives have to face, so that there are not enough of them anymore. So you have to be real quick in the search in order to find one. If you already have some, ask your mommy friends or neighbors in your area for recommendation. I still strongly believe that it helps a lot.
And second, even if this sounds a total contradiction to what I just mentioned above, take your time to know the person and decide if you would feel good with and trust her. That means that you feel that that woman is sincerely paying attention to you, listening to you, not only your symptoms but also your feelings, your doubts and your thoughts. Since there is no stage more vulnerable in the life of a woman as pregnancy and the postpartum period. For that you deserve to be treated well and with all respect by everyone.
And huge congratulations if you become one of the very few lucky ones who have the opportunity of being treated by an attending midwife!
What is or was your experience? Did you know about midwives before? Would you recommend yours?